“You don’t marry someone you can live with - you marry the person who you cannot live without.”
-unknown

Love, though it is commonly seen, cannot be researched; it cannot be discovered through texts, nor can it be copied from those who exhibit it. No, our most abstract emotion can only be discovered by the self. The few definitions that can be even remotely consistent are the few that are yours, and they are only consistent in an intra-personal regard. It is this character-building self discovery that makes this concept so special and memorable for many people, and despite it’s ingrained difficulty, this journey is what defines what it is to be a human being. That said, if you think too much about it, chances are good that you will go mad.

There are some that would go so far as to say that without love, there is nothing of life. I’m fairly confident that this was said by people who had a good thing going. Ask them after the breakup, and I’m willing to guarantee they will be playing a different tune. But that’s the nature of love, isn’t it? To build you up, and take you down. That’s the journey: up and down. As bad as this sounds, and as much as I may resemble a cynical prick (I am one), anyone who’s even started this process can tell you that there is no time in your life when you will learn more about yourself. The highest mountains– mountains of love– and the deepest valleys– also of love– are the locations where you will learn not just the most satisfying curse words, but also what it means to be a human, or American, or… male or female. It depends, I guess.

Even though the ups and downs can be a bit rough, I am still absolutely of the opinion that these self-explorations are something that everyone should go through. Even science agrees, because studies have shown that primates (and perhaps other animals) are less functionally, socially, or psychologically sound without some sort of affection. Whether that be motherly affection, or spousal, or what have you, the fact remains that love is not just a psychological phenomenon, it is also very biological in both it’s nature and importance. Really, if you think about it, people make sure every other need is taken care of, so why not this as well? The vitals, such as breathing and eating, are done without second thought, along with even smaller, less automatic things like fun and communication. Why is something so integral as love ignored? Because it’s never easy, that’s why.

At the end of the day though, most people have a deep desire for this sort of companionship, whether they act on that desire or not is another thing completely. I’ve found that the most frequently uttered question on the matter is often: “How?”. If only we could (truthfully) answer! This desire, and matching confusion can be exemplified in stories that I hear sometimes about two elderly people that are deeply in love even into their final years. Still writing love notes, cooking each other breakfast, taking walks in the park, et cetera. When people hear or see a story like this, on the outside they are crying because it is very touching, but on the inside, are they not just wondering how they do the same?

Unfortunately, It seems that love’s inherent difficulty will prevent many people living today from ever achieving a true form of it, myself hopefully not included. It’s an interesting happening, but many go through similar cycles of highs and lows leaving no rock turned in any sort of introspection. To some, these cycles are just that of a relationship, and nothing more. There is no love involved, and it is quite sad to me. A simple fear of getting hurt is preventing them from enjoying the best that life has to offer. The want to possess, harm, and acquire gets in the way too frequently. Romantic love cares, sets free, and forgives; 3 things that are not easily done, and some are just not capable.

The vital weakness with something as abstract as love is that it falls right into our greatest conundrum: The prime human experience often conflicts with common human nature. Self preservation is actively detrimental to something so selfless as this, and love really isn’t as strong as people make it out to be. I mean, sure, it is a powerful energy and everything, but it is no bunker. A popular, and somewhat optimistic, view of love is that it is this blitzkrieg-like force that can conquer anything before it. While that would be great if it were the case, it’s pretty unrealistic. This view makes it out to be a safety net, a comfort that can be as popular as it is empowering. I’m sure it feels great to believe that, but it’s misleading, not to mention the fact that it degrades the rarity and specialness of this deep affection. An untouchable aura around an emotion so human couldn’t be further from the truth; romantic love is not a powerful conquering force, it is a fragile prize that is awarded after diligent work. It must be nurtured to life, and only at it’s strongest point can it overcome even a moderate challenge.

The shocking bit about it all is that love in it’s truest form is best understood by children. They don’t know all the stuff that gets in the way, all the minor things that can cause major problems. However, if they grow up and do it right, they will surely learn.